Into The Spirit: The cost of faith

Crucifixion of Peter

Dear friends, lovers of light, seekers of all that is true, I welcome you all. Already, help from on high has come upon us and the assistance of the divine hierarchies are available to those who truly seek it; to those who wish to carry out the Father's business; first in themselves, then in the world around them.

There is no time better than we are in now, there are many helpers who are waiting to help those who truly wish to be helped. Like moths to a flame are they attracted to those who are searching in truth and sincerity. There are more of them than we think.

Believe me, I testify of what I know and have seen.

It is true that there is no way into the kingdom, into the light, except through faith in Christ Jesus. What, however, is faith? And who, what or where is Christ Jesus?

Who, what or where.... Hmmm. Let us contemplate.

I had always pondered on this and I genuinely believed I had faith in Christ Jesus. With the overwhelming encounters and experiences that I had at a tender age, who won't believe they had faith? Who won't believe they knew it all?

Haha, the foolishness of youth, it is almost comical to see; deserving of much pity and compassion. It is why I have been able to forgive myself for the mistakes I made and am making. I had compassion and pity on my own foolishness, on my ignorance. I learned how to stop despising who I was.

Pitying and forgiving myself taught me how to do the same for others. We despise in others what we despise in ourselves, life is really lived inside out.

It is only when we have believed that we are more than what we are that we find ourselves unable to forgive ourselves. It is only when we wish to believe that people are more than what they are that we find ourselves unable to forgive them.

As though a cat will stop being a cat just because we wished it were a dog.

Unforgiveness is rooted in illusion and fantasies of our own creation. Disappointment is rooted in illusion and fantasies of our own creation. They are rooted in "wishing" that a saint were a devil and a devil a saint; ignoring the truth and reality of who it is that is really in front of us.

The foundation of love is knowledge of who or what we are loving. Blind love is not love at all but an illusion. Jesus knew exactly who Peter was; exactly who Judas was. He knew his disciples who swore allegiance to him were really cowards at heart.

So, when cowards did what cowards do he was not disappointed; he was not surprised and didn't love them less because "he knew what was in man". He did not "imagine" that they were what they weren't.

We cannot learn to love what we haven't learnt to know, including ourselves. If we really knew our lust, our pride, our rage and our envy, we would not be surprised to see it in others. If we truly knew our joy, laughter and happiness, we would seek to cultivate it in others.

In teaching me the meaning of faith, in teaching me to love myself, my father first allowed me to see myself and 'boyyy' was I a gremlin from the abyss. As we would say in Christianity, I was deeply enslaved to Pharaoh, the carnal nature within me, though I believed myself to be free.

Upon all the transcendental experiences and ecstasies, upon all the encounters with the Patriarchs of old and conversations with the elders of the heavenly court, when I got to see myself, I finally understood what Solomon said:

'I said in my heart, “Concerning the condition of the sons of men, God tests them, that they may see that they themselves are like beasts.” ' Ecclesiastes 3:18

Indeed, being sent to school in a foreign land, in the midst of foreign people, unveiled the beasts within me. Even as I write, a part of me still feels shame at the memory of drunken orgies, slavery to vanity and my broken esteem. I plunged myself into deep darkness and truly believed my Father would never take me back.

My eyes and heart became closed to the heavens and it was as though everything that happened did not happen; I could no longer hear my Father's voice. They all abandoned me, Tamriel and Zuriel had forsaken me. I was left all alone or so I thought.

I believed I was a shame, a failure, and a disappointment to all who had believed in me; to myself and all who had much faith and confidence in me. I wanted to die in my shame; I wanted to die alone; I believed I didn't deserve forgiveness. I believed too much was invested in me to be this foolish.

I could not at that time realize that the most foolish thing of that moment was that I didn't know I was a fool. I was ashamed because I was a fool who thought himself wise and foolishness a thing beneath me. I was deceived by my experiences, miracles and many praises from peers and elders. I thought all those things meant that I knew Christ, I thought they meant that I had faith.

Haha, the foolishness of youth, sometimes beautiful to see; deserving of much pity and compassion.

Usually, the praises of others is a reflection of what they wish they had but don't, it has nothing to do with us; they are praising their own desires which they see in us. Usually, the criticisms of others is a reflection of what they hate in themselves, it has nothing to do with us; they are criticising their own flaws that they see in us.

Seldom does one receive a truly selfless praise or selfless criticism. In an instant, praise can become a dragon to us and critique can become a saint. In an instant, critique can become a dragon to us and praise can become a saint.

Many nights I cried. I cried because I hated the person I had become and did not know how to come out of it. My family and everyone back home had mighty expectations of me, the things I was doing were inconceivable in their minds and the shame and fear of breaking their hearts kept me from crying for help.

I drowned deeper and deeper in darkness and lost my soul. El Shakar had become "Rookie baby 2020". Sigh.

All I could think of was shame... shame... shame.

Shame... shame... shame.

As though I were a disgraced king, stripped naked and paraded through the streets of his kingdom.

Then, years later, on a day I didn't expect, at the lowest point I had ever been, I heard that familiar voice say to me: "Rise my son, let us do it again".

Words can't express what I felt. In moments like this I wish I were a master painter or the finest pianist to accurately communicate what it was that I was experiencing. I think a simple word would be 'gratitude'; gratitude of the deepest kind. The kind of gratitude so deep that it shows no expression, it just gets up and begins moving and so I did.

Now it was time to confront and defeat all the beasts within myself that I allowed roam free; my inner Goliaths. It was time to cultivate my inner David, the seed of God in me; the part that could actually have faith; the part that could have PISTIS. (Read - "Into The Spirit: Faith)

What does my anger know about faith? What does my pride know about faith? What does my lust know about faith? The carnal nature, the "me, myself & I", will always be enmity to God. It must die the death of the cross that another may take its place.

'Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. ' Luke 9:23

Faith only begins to arise in us when the faithless parts of ourselves begin to perish. There is no salvation for the carnal man, he must undergo a metamorphosis. He, like Pharaoh, must drown in the red sea for the children of Israel, Christ, to arise.

Christ, Israel, must slay the Phillistines, the Assyrians, the Peruzzites, the Jebusites, the Girgashites and Amorites within us. He slays them through our obedience to his commands. These are really internal battles that happen on the inside of us, they are not just biblical stories; the bible is a spiritual book.

'For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. ' Ephesians 6:12

Jealousy is a spiritual wickedness in high places, a principality which seeks to enslave us and keep us captive. It wishes to be our Lord and savior; governing our thoughts, feelings and actions. It is ever justifying its existence in us, convincing us that we are inadequate and making us force another person to convince us of our adequacy; something we haven't convinced our own selves.

What does jealousy know about faith? Jealousy is a Pharaoh and a slave master, it is an enemy of God which must drown in the red sea. It must be nailed to the cross, it must, like Goliath, be struck in the forehead with a smooth rock; the immortal rock of ages which is Christ.

Every end is a new beginning, every beginning an end. When the old man is put to the sword, the new man emerges from the tomb as an angel of light. There is no death without resurrection, no resurrection without death. Every end is a new beginning, a new beginning an end.

Like Matthias, which means "gift of God", replaced Judas Iscariot, Yehudah Ishkeriot, which means "false man of praise", so also must the 'me, myself & I' be slain that Christ may resurrect within us. The old man of falsehood, son of perdition, falls away for the gift of God, Christ, to become enthroned in our hearts.

It is not about consuming the largest libraries, it is not about having a myriad encounters with divine beings, it is not about having met humanities from other planets or solar systems, it is not even about having met the regent angel which resides in the heart of every star in the infinite space.

All these things have their place in our walk with God, and fuel us with much strength and inspiration but do not in themselves mean we have faith; they do not mean we have 'PISTIS'; they do not mean we are persuaded by the message of Christ.

Faith comes by hearing the voice of the son of God within ourselves, our own inner and particular Christ. It comes by performing his instructions and becoming ONE with the truth he unveils to us daily.

Only those who are led by the spirit of God are the sons of God. It is not possible to serve two masters. If we hearken to the counsel of our inner son of God, the Holy Spirit, the resplendent SHEKINAH, then automatically we starve and put to death the works and reality of 'me, myself & I' in us and vice versa.

Faith comes with a price. Faith has a cost, that cost is the cross my friends. It is through the cross that we become resplendent and glorious, it is from the perishing of the old man and the resurrecting of the new man that we march into the kingdom.

'Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. ' II Corinthians 4:16

Daily dying, daily resurrecting

Faith, being the substantial evidence of the state of our hearts; verified by the thoughts we choose to think, emotions we choose to feel, actions we choose to take. Faith, being the manifestation of what it truly is that we believe in.

The state of our hearts, our choices and character, tell us who or what we have faith in. Jesus Christ is not just a historical personage from 2,000 years ago. He is the voice of God inside us, he is the nature, principle and character of God, he is a dimension of reality which exists within every individual; a dimension we are called to attain.

Now we have an idea of who, what and where Jesus Christ is. It is beyond a physical personality, it is beyond all things space and time. It is beyond race, nationality, religion, denomination or group.

To have faith, PISTIS, in Jesus Christ is not about bowing down before a statue of a man on a cross. It is about submitting to the will of Christ and being persuaded by what he stands for; to be utterly convinced by his message that our thoughts, feelings and actions begin to express that conviction.

The message of Christ can be summarized as thus:

'So he answered and said, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind,’ and ‘your neighbor as yourself.’ ”' Luke 10:27

For James said:

'But someone will say, “You have faith, and I have works.” Show me your faith without your works, and I will show you my faith by my works.

You believe that there is one God. You do well. Even the demons believe—and tremble! But do you want to know, O foolish man, that faith without works is dead? ' James 2:18-20

Observing myself and my character in sincerity, I realized that I really had no faith. All my actions showed my faith was in lust, anger, vanity, pride etc. That realization was the beginning of my faith. I discovered why I couldn't have faith, I knew the riches which I had to begin parting with if I was to enter through the eye of the needle. The false riches of pride, lust, anger, malice, greed, unforgiveness, envy.

This modern humanity values these things as though they were gold, we hold onto them like our lives depended on it. All our movies and music uplift anger, vengeance, lust and pride. The very things that make us poor is what we treat with utmost care and fragility.

We cherish our pain and sorrows deeply, we nurture and groom it; we refuse to let them go. We hold on dearly to our bitterness towards those who have harmed us as though it would make us rich. We worship our lust and avarice as though salvation is found within it.

It is not about dressing in rags and being homeless, neither is it about putting on the finest garments. It is about discarding these negative qualities within ourselves. These are the 'family members' and 'riches' that Christ would have us abandon. Now, we can understand the spiritual significance of what Jesus meant when he said:

'It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”' Mark 10:25

'Because you say, ‘I am rich, have become wealthy, and have need of nothing’—and do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked—

I counsel you to buy from Me gold refined in the fire, that you may be rich; and white garments, that you may be clothed, that the shame of your nakedness may not be revealed; and anoint your eyes with eye salve, that you may see. ' Revelation 3:17-18

Why did Christ say 'buy from me gold refined in the fire' if there was not a cost to walking with him? We all know the freedom that exists in grace but seldom do we speak of the price of entering into it; the price of following the master; the price of the cross.

Friends, the only way to the Father is through his voice which exists on the inside of us. The only way through his voice, the door, is by faith. The only way to have faith is by going the way of the cross, confronting and defeating all the parts of us that are against Jesus Christ. We must wage a holy war against the heathen nations of anger, pride, envy, lust, laziness and gluttony within us.

'For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it — lest, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish’?

So likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple.' Luke 14:28-30,33

Selah.